My Sober Diary : Day 20
Today started out good. I woke up at 5AM. I just relaxed in bed, listening to some podcasts and meditating. I went for a walk at around 7AM but, I did have this familiar knot in my stomach. This feeling that not all is OK.
I started work and things we fine but, anxiety kept poking and poking. At around 1PM I just could not anymore. I had half a beer. It helped (color me surprised).
At 1PM I was feeling better but still super anxious so, I did some Yoga. This helped a LOT. I decided to take a longer brake from work, a privilege I am well aware of, read some and did a short body scan mediation.
I had some meetings starting at 3:30PM so I did some work around the house. I was just about ready to get back to work when my son(22) came to me and said some person was at our gate saying they will remove our garden refuse and he essentially OK’d it. I said OK, but what is it going to cost? Because we already have someone to do that.
He was, I don’t know, confused by the question. I said that, there is no way someone will do this for free so, there is going to be a cost. Who is going to pay this money? The money is not the problem, it is the fact that we do not need someone to do this. Why did he not call me?
A fuck ton happened between then and now. Way to much to go into. I tried, I fucking tried. But in the end, suffice it to say, I am definitely going to be back on day 0 tomorrow. Not giving up, just being open and honest.
Note to self: After reading this myself. It can be so easy to blame external situations and people. In the end, I do need better coping mechanisms.
