My Sober Diary : Day 51 : Day 29
The I am Sober app is telling me that I have been sober now for 29 days! If it was a leap year, that would be one month. 😄 Alas, one or two more days. This is BIG though, and I am truly proud.
Over the last week things have been generally good. Some days tougher that the other. Yesterday for example was really, really good. Today is a bit of a mixed bag. In general though, I have to say I am a LOT more productive, I feel more optimistic about life, and I have hope for the future. All good things. \o/
I started reading two new books this week. One, The body keeps the score, I believe I have mentioned before. The other is, Courage Is Calling: Fortune Favors the Brave, by Ryan Holiday. It is still early days for the first title but I have been almost unable to put the second down.
It feels like I almost highlight something on each and every page of this book. For example:
Don’t let your reflection on the whole sweep of life crush you,” Marcus Aurelius said. “Don’t fill your mind with all the bad things that might still happen. Stay focused on the present situation and ask yourself why it’s so unbearable and can’t be survived.
This rings so true for me. I have a tendency to ruminate on the future and paint some pretty grim pictures sometimes. Pictures that, when I engage my logical part of my brain, is clearly nonsense. Thing is though, when you are in that mode, it is a real felt experience. It is therefore great to have these reminders from the stoics, to question these emotions. To not simply believe your thoughts.
One thing I have always felt with these invisible diseases like mental health and addiction is that people are quick to judge from the outside. That is why this passage was so powerful for me:
It’s very easy to judge. It’s very hard to know. To know what another person is going through. To know what their reasons are. What interrelated risks they are trying to manage, who and what they are trying to protect.
This book talks a lot about fear, and that fear is what stops us from reaching our potential. I know that to be true for me. I tried to numb the fear with alcohol, but that is not what anyone needs. You need to face the fear. You need to see it for what it is. Like it is stated in the book, F.E.A.R can be an acronym that stands for “False Evidence Appearing Real.”. Fun fact, this is something that actually originated in sobriety circles. 🤯
One of the many wonderful, inspiring passages from the book related to fear is this one:
If fear is to be a driving force in your life, fear what you’ll miss. Fear what happens if you don’t act. Fear what they’ll think of you down the road, for having dared so little. Think of what you’re leaving on the table. Think of the terrifying costs of playing small.
All of this has really helped me to refrain my thinking about anxiety and the fear that leads to it spiking and trying to overtake my life. It is still hard, do not get me wrong, but it definitely helps to see, and approach, things from a different perspective.
I have also been send notes like the one below to myself using the Signal app as a form of encouragement, and something to have on me when anxiety tries to creep in.
All and all, life is pretty darn good, warts and all. I hope all of you out there are doing well on your journey and I wish you peace, love and happiness. Thank you for all of your support. ✌️
