On drunk dreams and other random thoughts
Just some random musing from events over the last week
I cannot remember who shared this but, during my previous attempts at sobriety I have not experienced what is known as “drunk dreams”. There is some coverage on this on the Join Club Soda website.
This time around though I did experience this two evenings back to back. It is a truly bizarre experience. The second evening was especially unsettling. I dreamt that I was home watching Youtube videos on my computer. I watched myself get up and walk over to the kitchen, open the refrigerator and take out a bottle of red wine.
Two things was really strange about this moment in the dream. The first was how vivid and real it felt. The second, my very real bodily reaction to watching this in my dream. It was as if the version of me in the dream and the watcher was separate. I felt like I was watching myself make a decision that will only have negative repercussions, but I had no control to affect my actions.
I have to say that, after thinking over the dream some, the emotions made perfect sense. Often when in the grips of the addiction this thought, this story, played on repeat in my head. The idea that this is just how my life will be. That I have no control over this. It has always been this way, and it will simply always be.
As the dream continued I saw myself drinking more and more and I started to think, “No! Please stop. This is going to end badly. Tomorrow is going to be hell!”. Alas, the dream had to be played out until the end. And while I said that it felt like there were two separate entities playing the role of actor and the watcher, this separation started to blend into one.
It felt like it was me, that I fucked up and was going to pay dearly for this. I finally forced myself to wake up as I have done in the past when experiencing really dark nightmares. The really crazy thing is, upon awakening I had a headache. I lied there for a moment and honestly could not tell whether the dream was just that, or whether I did actually mess up.
I did not have any of the other bodily sensations or mental emotions I would normally have after a night of binge drinking though, just the headache. I looked over to my wife and said, “Did I drink last night?”. That seems nuts I know, but at that moment, I was honestly not sure. She smiled and said, “No, why would ask that?”.
Those words acted acted like the sun, clearing the fog from my mind and I realized it was just a dream. Wow, what a relief. It was an unpleasant experience to put it mildly, but I have to say, it strengthened my resolve to stay the path. I am now 17 days sober and still going strong.
Sobriety is going mainstream
I do not know if this is because of the struggles people have had with addiction in general, and alcohol in particular over the last two years, but it seems stories about people reevaluating the role of alcohol in their lives are coming to the forefront everywhere.
Just two months ago Drew Barrymore openly spoke about her being sober for a little over two years for the first time. I also recently learned that Jason Mewes from Jay and Silent Bob fame has been struggling with addiction for the longest time, and has finally overcome it with help and support from his friend Kevin Smith.
As my fellow traveler Benya Clark writes: “I believe that stories like Barrymore’s can help destigmatize sobriety and inspire others who are trying to quit drinking”
The stigma is definitely lifting and I hear about more and more people in my small circle deciding to give up alcohol for good. I think this is a turning point in society at large and I welcome it. I believe a lot of people will also find that their mental health will improve so much after quitting that this is going to be a game changer for so many. I know it is for me.
I subscribe to the Daily Stoic newsletter from Ryan Holiday. In this last week one of his newsletter also touched on the benefits of quitting alcohol. the email was titled, “How to make better decisions in life”
Believe it or not, there’s a pretty magical way to start making better decisions. It’s a secret that will also make you feel better, look better, and live better. You’ll live longer, think more clearly, and do less that you regret.
What is it?
Stop drinking. Or, at least, drink less.
I wholeheartedly agree! Let me be clear though, as with my choice to follow a whole food plant based lifestyle, I pass no judgement on those who do choose to drink alcohol. Whether to abstain or not, is a personal choice we each have to make for ourselves. For me, life without alcohol is definitely better and so, I made the choice for it to no longer be part of my life.
Health observations
Over the last 17 days my sleep quality has gone back to being in the eighties every night. My resting heart rate has gone down from around 74 beats per minute to between 64 and 67. I have more energy, I am thinking more clearly and I am not stealing time from tomorrow any longer.
I also want to thank everyone here for all your support, for sharing your journey and generally just being awesome. It makes the journey so much easier if you know there are people going through similar challenges and are cheering one another on. I am truly grateful.
Stay safe and stay sober everyone, it is definitely worth it.
🇺🇦 If you are at all able to help, please consider donating to the ongoing relief efforts to help the people in Ukraine. 🇺🇦✌️
